HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
