I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
