I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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