I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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