the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
