I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
