I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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