I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
