I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
