she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
