im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
