I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
