im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
