lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
