I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
