there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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