What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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