She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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