So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
