I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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