this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
