his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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