if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
