Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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