So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
