____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
