Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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