You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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