perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize