How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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