my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
