can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
