it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
