so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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