Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
