I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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