The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
