I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
