he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
