I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
