some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
