My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
