At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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