She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
