DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
