Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
