Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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