Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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