you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
