Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Randomize
